måndag 1 juli 2013

A Letter From SunDance

 As I stared into the fire last night a sense of harmony came to visit my soul.
There is nowhere to go, there is nothing to do, nothing to achieve, 
- all that is wise is to be open to receive.
I could see the "predatory nature" living inside me and without learning how to be, 
I could never truly be free. 
Pushing my will, constantly attempting this and that, trying to wrestle and conquest life…
but when would I allow myself to listen,… to be open to receive, getting instruction from life itself.
Amongt this people and the atmosphere that surrounds their way…I could not help to think…
Was I to busy trying and doing ?... fearing that I may not be enough, living from fear and lack.
Why are so many with me afraid to really receive...
As I white man “I had so much more” then the red man, but with no relationship to ceremony and their way of life infused with spirit, I felt like the poor one amongst them. 
White man is afraid I thought, he is suffering even though he has accumulated so much. 
Fear eats away on his soul. 

He does not know hes creator, therefore he has made himself into a creator longing to know himself and the Creator.
But without an open heart, we may never know ourselves and our Creator…
And no matter how much we try to know our self through our minds grandiose schemes…
our reality will be just that…a grandiose scheme…our soul hearts knowing buried alive through tons of belief systems and information.
We may think red man is lost, looking at his current  affairs and circumstances, but as we look deeper we see and recognize that we are the lost ones…desperately in need of guidance and comfort for the soul.

We place money and technology on our altars and neglect our own nature within and the nature without. We celebrate science before our own hearts knowing.
But what happens with our self-respect as we neglect our great mother underneath that unconditionally gives and share her bounty?
Thirsty for our souls, we have learned to live thirsty and made it manageable. 
We fill our lives with everything, except  that which can cleanse our thirst. 
The cleansing rejuvenating waters of ceremony and this way of life embracing the spirit in all things has escaped our awareness…and by doing so…we are lost without even knowing we are lost.

They say that when you walk through the desert without water to long you begin to hallucinate.
Without the sacred waters of life, and spirit, our flickering illusions is all that we can hang on to.
They give us comfort we think, but another hallucination and illusion will not meet our aching hearts desire for truth.

They will bring us more suffering, - and I cant help to think, surrounded by all this, that this way of ceremony and appreciation of each other and all things is what truly will cleanse our thirst.
Just like an addict that will be challenged giving up his addictions, we as white men must dare to give up our illusions.
By cleansing our perception and detoxifying all that have been poising our souls, we might have a slight chance o meeting ourselves and the creator waiting on the other side of our own desert.
Inside the sacred circle there is room for love, prayer, wisdom and the celebration of life,
but for those of us clouded by ignorance we will shield ourselves from its blessings.
If our hearts and minds are closed we find ourselves blinded by darkness, a darkness so thick we may not even recognize that we are in it.
Until we do, we are forever struggling in the dark.

There is a field of awareness. A field of silence. A field of listening that surrounds this people. They feed spirit, by acknowledging spirit in all things, and they create a relationship by doing so. The sacred black hills are majestic in their own right but as we recognize this through ceremony and appreciation they seem to emanate another layer of sacred glow. Maybe it is this relationship that the natives take honor in protecting, cause without it, we as humanity have lost our way.
All the races are represented in the sacred circle said one of the elders with voice that seemed to echo in eternity. They Yellow, The Black, The Red, and The White.

Crazy Horse had a vision as he journeyed up here through the sacred black hills the elder continued.
He saw all the tribes of the earth dancing celebrating life together in the sacred circle except from the white man. 

The white man was crying, standing outside the sacred circle. Crazy Horse asked creator, why is white man crying and unwilling to joining us. 
Creator answered ;- its up to you Red Man to invite him.

Crazy horse had lead his people well but now he’s own strength and leadership was hurting them because there was no real choices left to take.
He’s people were starving and he was pressured to negotiate with the people that had caused his people so much harm, and told so many lies.
As impossible as it must have been then, he decided maybe inspired by this vision to surrender to the white mans demands for the sake of his people
I would imagine he would be the last to surrender but thinking of his people he did hope that maybe…
Just maybe this would be a lesser of the evil and a sanctuary for his people would be granted.

In captivity he was back-stabbed from behind by some meaningless coward.
But his legacy lives on and a monument 10 times greater that Mount Rushmore is being constructed in South Dakota to his honor.

Sometimes the cowards and fearful ones win the battle.
But they have to live with themselves and that may be there curse.

Crazy Horse spirits cannot be crushed. It will life forever.

But the cowards, men with no honor, no dignity, no self respect, no reverence for life, themselves or another will fade away as fast as a footprint on a beach…and when they have lured themselves to the top, through deceit, dishonor and manipulation…they will fall on their own sword.
There tower of false power will crumble…as greed and ignorance eats them alive.
No matter how great they have made themselves to be.

If there is no honor, there is no way.
If there is no reverence, there is no love.
If there is no respect, there is no meaning.
And if there is no wisdom, dignity and self-knowledge…
There is no life worth talking about.

I have spoken.

Infused by the Black Hills of South Dakota, Sundance 2013

tisdag 6 november 2012

The Epic Summer of 2012


-"I have awaken to the "Nordic Spirit"-" my new and old friend screamed out load before he threw himself naked into the water that was reflecting the moon light that night about one year ago. 
His eyes filled with electricity and the water calling him to make sense of all his intensity. 
The sky filled with flashing unexplainable lights, displaying what in the moment could only be received as a supernatural experience. Little did I know that this new brother of mine would be my creative companion, the summer that followed this experience. Summer of 2012.

Iam sitting on a flight that is leaving to the United States at the end of a summer that can only be expressed as a divinely guided journey in music and self exploration.
We have shared something that can never be captured in words, that is beyond what the mind can grasp. Strangers that became brothers. 
Before we decided to spend a whole summer together we had met 3 times. 
Something in our dynamic, knew more about us then we knew about ourselves. 
I have found a friend in someone I don't know, but yet we know each other very well.
It goes beyond logic. Our personalities have tried to catch up with our souls intense adventures.
Not much room has been given to the ordinary or mundane.
It been replaced by an exctacy of non ordinary experiences.

When I saw this new and old friend of mine, that my soul recognize but my persona yet have to get to know, jumping naked into the water howling to existence last year...I knew.
I knew that this man had awaken to something and that an adventure lied before him.
 I also immidiatley knew that our time together would be an incredible gift and treasure for us both.

That moment we shared was a beginning of a great adventure, that we followed up the summer of 2012. An epic summer. It was hard to expect that our time together would initiate a creative music endevour that would come through us than rather from us. 
Something in our togetherness felt moved by a greater force. I don't know how else to describe it.
The same force that gave away for a creative explosion last year is the same force that have allowed us to come together the summer of 2012 to follow up what really happen.

I dont know how a creative process looks like. I know that our process was a creative self exploration, a mystic adventure all in the name of music. It was amazing.

What is it that makes some relationship inspire a multidimensional experience, while some don't ?

Our connection have been everything else but ordinary.
If you have to be like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven, and if that place lies within you,...I think we both got a little bit of that juice and we are not religious.

I guess we just had a dynamic that opened us up to nature, our own and the one that was all around us.

Our connection invited, deep dialogue, inner inquiry, creativity and a lot of joy of being alive.

We built a camp together. We spent time with the elements. We enjoyed the beauty of nature.
We ate good food and I was blessed to see Johannes magic chef fingers preparing one amazing meal after the other. We asked questions about manhood, about our relationship to ourselves and our environment. 
We playfully surrendered to the great mystery and allowed ourselves to be guided by intuition. 
All this while playing and enjoying music.
We expressed our vulnerability, faced our fears... This summer were our rite of passage...
into what is yet to be discovered and seen.

This carefree blessed summer we stayed away from the cities.
The clutter, busyness and shatteness of citylife did not appeal to us.
Instead trees, mountains, water, wind, open fields captured and seduced our attention.

Mother earth became our mistress, and the open sky our teacher.
It was as if we unexpectedly were invited to an intimate communion with ourselves and nature.
We allowed ourselves to be still as the lake stared back at us under the moonlight.
We took time, instead of letting time take from us.

We celebrated life, the beauty of nature and music togheter with singing birds.  
We invoked ourselves to believe, to have faith and to discover that everything is alive and that we are a strand in the web of life.  
We asked our minds to be quiet so that we could listen.
Listening to the whisipering gentle voice of our hearts.
Nothing to become, claim, do, or seek to accomplish.
Just an open listening, a tender readiness to respond to lifes invitation.
I thank Johannes. I thank myself. I thank nature. I thank the great mystery.
I thank our women who were supporting us from afar.
I give gratitude to the oppertunity to experince a fantastic epic summer of 2012.
This is and will always be the legacy summer of 2012.
A summer were our hearts got to celebrate life, and be fulfilled with overwhelming gratitude and creativity. 

Forever Graetful


fredag 18 maj 2012

In my Fathers House...

After a long journey passing through Americas paranoid checkpoints loosing my toothpaste and being overcharged for my bags, swimming in the collective soup of airport people I find myself in my fathers house.
TSA my toothpaste is not a bomb! Its just a natural toothpaste!
I was blessed to get a seat in the aisle next to a man I could carry a substantial conversations with, so that really lifted my mood. Maybe its only me but I cant hold my self back from feeling crazy in a crowded airport,...maybe an end of the world judgment day would be so bad after all.
Wiping this crazy planet clean, like a serious detox.

It is great to be here and to be a guest in my fathers house. We are evolving our relationship and getting to know each other attempting an organic effort to catch up all the lost years. Family is important and I can see that many of us, including myself of course have a lot to learn from this relationships.
The lack of engagement or connection we have with our parents is often how we recreate our own close relationships in life. I had a dream as a kid to be guided through life and that and elder would take me under his wings and shows me the inns and outs of the life experience. Being an apprentice for someone, in a profession, in life or son to a father but those cards never played out like that for me and it brought me much heartache.

My own journey, seeking, adventuring became my rite of passage, and I became and apprentice for life through trial and error, practicing being my own guiding hand. There were beloved characters along the way, but I never were able to find that reliable bond that I had wished for. There was of course and is still valuable relationships along the the way that have brought me much wisdom and joy but Iam talking about that kind of stuff you see in the movies. The yoda, obi one kenobi kind of deal, but I guess that belongs to the movies.

My life would be fulfilled if I could play that role for someone, the role that I wished someone would have played for me. The guiding nourishing hand that is there rooted in a character with both presence and powerful words to there disposal. The mentor figur.

Its hard to do that whole mentoring by yourself kind of deal.
There is also always a pain of absence if your parents cant hold or play that role or may not even be interested. I grief for all lost sons out there and daughters that in the lack of this valuable resource have gone many miles barefooted through snow and desert. Its a hard journey and many people are unfortunately in that position, Discovering who you are without this relationships as a healthy base that you always can seek refuge in and communion with can leave one stranded seeking diamonds in the sand.
Without any mentoring, ones own potential are many times compromised by the long journey of doubtfulness and so forth that is created in the absence of that foundation.
Detours and a lot of time is lost digging through the trenches.

Of course with every wounds also comes a blessing and that which was not there can serve to bring a need to find and build from within in the long haul.
What has been lost are many times not found until we discover parts of ourselves effected by its losses.

We may have learned to live all our lives operating from our unhealed dynamics, and dysfunctional states since that is all we know. For some reason, that we have to discover on our own ,our cards were dealt in that certain way. Avoiding responsibility and self acceptance no matter how rough the road and the conditions may be will only lead to more suffering.

Iam here at my fathers house, in his domain and on a shelf near the piano there is pictures of me as a little boy. Maybe my father in his heart, in his depth, never left me, but constantly kept a relationship to the best of his ability  and capacity, -by now an again looking at those pictures of me.
Someone told me carry a picture of yourself as a kid and look at it everyday, and give a moment to your self and that innocence.

Deep emotions trapped inside, frozen under deep ice can melt away if you embrace the spring and the awareness of your heart. A part of my spring came when I managed to put some words together and express this to my father.


Many years ago you left us be on your way,
And still to this day you don’t have much to say

So much pain you left just because
You seemed to deny that you been its cause

Its been hard to be left not even with a word so far behind
We have been struggling to find some peace of mind

Maybe you on some level also suffer much inside
Cause we all know its exhausting to hide

Deeply I believe that everybody seek to acknowledge what has been done, 
cause no one truly wants to live a life on the run

Maybe that’s why I see a lack of presence in your eyes
Being present you would uncover the lies

Today I have left the prison you trapped me in for so many years
The pain of being lost have brought me so many tears

You have not done much to help me escape, but with love and support I have changed my fate
I can finally see, I am no longer blind
What was yours, was yours it was not mine

I have lived like a fool. A hobo and humiliated young broken man
Now I know that much of my pain is related to a fathers dishonorable hand

My honor was taken forsaken by you, but now I retrieve it I stand up for whats true

Finally out of my chains I stand up from my knees
Iam here to deliver your unpaid fees

Now Iam the sheriff and you the most wanted, and you can keep on running but you will always be haunted

Now we have tried with my efforts to bring some repair
To bridge our relation from an abyss of denial and despair

What is done its done, and whats lost will never be again,
But  much help is given when we can face that as men

I love you so much even though you been so far away
I guess I must thank you, for my unconventional character and way

When we seek compassion, and try to understand,
That which was broken can be can be healed by willing hand

So don’t shrug your shoulders an look to the side,
Feel your heart and look me right in the eye

So father I guess you and I we will start from here
Now that we have been honest, and faced our fear

Father, many years ago you just walked away,
And still to this day you have nothing to say

tisdag 15 maj 2012

A Road of Faith

The time has come to tend to the seed that was planted about a year ago. An explosion of creativity and divine madness possessed me and this summer my intention is to follow up with that seed of inspiration.
One be wise, to stay silent as one start the process of embracing any endeavor since it demands so much focus and one cannot really afford to invite scattered thoughts, distractions and others strangling opinions.
It is best to rest within the great mystery since it is that mystery that holds all the seeds of creativity and its by humbly working with those forces that one may find oneself discovering the path that one has embarked upon.

Another chapter of the book of life has started, and I must be brave and have faith to arrive at whatever this destination will come to be.

The intention is there but I will have to conquer habits and suffocating logic and surrender to faith taking refuge in the creative process. Being anchored by more than limiting beliefs and fearful ways willing to go were this adventure will take me courageous enough to face whatever it will present on my path.
May the winds be on my back upon this journey and may the gods and will of heaven bring me safe to the unknown shores that awaits beyond the horizon.

Unfortunate and fortunate events have brought my inner world to be vivid and full of life. 
Just like our fingerprints that are making each of us unique,- we all have inner gifts and treasures we are called to seek out through the art of self discovery. In a mainstream world that many times treat us more like manufactured products than souls with purpose and longing, we can at times feel so overwhelmed that we start to die to our inner worlds, hang up on our souls calling, embracing mediocrity until there is nothing more to us to be found than an empty rusty shell of the person we once was.

The sum of who we are, the totality of our experiences, the fortunes and misfortunes becomes our solid character if we allow our self to accept and embrace who we are. It becomes our medicine. 
Our gift that we share with the world around us. Our relationship to everything we have experienced and everything around us becomes what determine our way of life and how we participate in our own life process. 

Some people have what appears to be more a more challenging life path than others, and many things cannot be even grasped without looking through the eyes of eternity or getting a flash from a birdview perspective to calm our inner turmoil as we walk along the path of life.
Some say the law of cause and effect are what brought us here and that the answers lies in the hidden and unseen and we are all called to remember, being invited to fully accept our life and take full responsibility wherever we are along our journey.

The wise ones say that there is no mainstream answers to our conditions except from our own ability to find our own answers within. That might not always be encouraged in a time when our outside world is held as religion with a fanatic grip. Our communion with the divine, ourselves, the creator, the great mystery, might be what we are longing for and what hold the answers we week... but at the same time we do everything to resist and avoid the very thing we need, haunted by our fears of the unknown.

With no respect for the mystery that enfolds us, that lies within us, the very thing that clenches our thirst are dried up into a desert land where nothing lives but our own waste.

Wasting away in our waste...and the empty space we seek to fill, we fill with everything but our own awareness and embodiment.

Walk into the unknown, dare to face the great mystery with faith even though you might be sacrificed transformed, believe in the path and that it leads you were it needs to go against all odds...
and know that whatever happens you will rise from your own ashes.

Much love,..

May the Gods Be with us, and may we be backed by magic and mystery,
even though we turned our backs on the very thing that nourish us long time ago...

I have spoken.

Echos from the New Year...

It feels like a long time since I sat down and allowed a dance of words to express itself through my being.
I celebrated the end of 2011 in sacred ceremony and was blessed enough to visit both the Navajo and the Hopi Indian reservation. At times I feel like white man with a native spirit. Despite of all devastation and the challenges this indigenous people have been through, one could feel the spirit in the air. I must say that is somewhat unbelievable.

Maybe that is something subjective just for me. I understand that people are inclined to resonate with different things, but I certainly have a some feeling of reverence for this earth based people who have gone through so many trials just because they did not fit into white mans world. 
As white man define the rules of the game and as we all sit in the bankers laps, watching TV enjoying a culture of death as many have called it, trying to entertain ourselves with our own self-destruction one cannot help to wonder if this indigenous ones had medicine for our starving souls. 
Maybe they had something to share, if we would have taken the time to silent our busy minds and for a moment try to see the world through their eyes and practiced the art of listening.

I don’t think our "divide and conquer" in the name of western civilization fueled by imperialism had much time for their way of perception. To white man it seems outdated as he brags about technology and made his science into a religion, and made a Wallmart icon out of Jesus traveling around the world forcing people his intrepretation whet ever ever they like it or not.
 It all seem very strange this fundamental materialism, like it is rooted out of deep fears.
This thinking in boxes andsquares seems to have left white man stripped of his own wisdom dreaming a dream of seeking instant gratification fueled by endless greed. He is at war, maybe not only with life, nature, god, and himself...he turned his culture into a battle field.  
Iam assuming that from the observation of the people he reduced to savages, he must clearly be the greatest savage of all,...even though he is a well groomed and dressed savage.

Cracking his head open might be the only way for him to land in his heart and drink some of its coconut juices. His only hope seem to be to crack "his thinking head open" to get an experince that would change his unrooted dream. Some say it is all and evolution of consciousness and we grow as we learn. Lets hope we grow and learn and maybe even find ourselves before we kill ourselves and our planet.

We are all swimming in this soup of conditions passed on from generations, and opportunities to reflect is most often only initiated through suffering, death, loss, disease or some other disaster that makes our own world crumble.
At times a rare awakening or a relationship can provide some self inquiry but it seems that more often our opportunity to reflect of our own existence is limited and replaced by the modern worlds daily demands.

We are consumers living out our lives and real values of responsibility, wisdom, maturity, enlightenment, self-knowledge, connection, healthy relationships and building character can quite easily disappear in a sea of distractions. Maybe this whole labyrinth we created for ourselves is the design for a challenging journey to self discovery?

As I hurry through life on my journey to death I try to enjoy myself. I guess we all do our best to do just that as we are killing time on this spinning globe somewhere in space trying our best to carve a meaning of our lives.

In a movie I saw recently with the name HUGO one of the statements that stayed with me from that film was...a man without a purpose is a broken machine.

Maybe that is true. That is why I have tried to find the missing pieces just like the kid in the movie so I could heal my purpose. Maybe we all is on that journey knowingly or unknowingly.

Some people are lucky enough to live, breath and embody their purpose. They can be hard to find.
But when we find such a person they seem to radiate and they are very inspiring to be around.

Before we pop into this existence called the journey of life Iam sure we got some guidelines and warnings. Just like an astronaut voyaging into space, we were probably prepared.

Some one probably said to us. -"Its not gonna be easy..."

and here we are dealing with the dirt of life saying to ourselves "...but no one said it was going to be this hard."

Well here we are with the gift of life 2012. Lets enjoy the ride while it last...

I have spoken, 

lördag 5 november 2011

The Music of Our Souls

The man stared into my eyes and he said. Nothing is like it seems my brother. The blueprint is in place. The shift is happening as we speak. The corruption, the darkness, the veil is being lifted. 
The manipulators have lost power and what you see on the surface is just ripples of detox.

The multidimensional reality is aligning itself. Trust me.

His words struck a cord in being. They called forth the warmth of my heart and ice around it started to melt and memories of my time in mystery school and my adventures around the globe suddenly raised from the depth of my subconscious. Maybe all my experiences along the way were valid after all, even though I now was buried in the human condition and its ordinary existence.

Even though I had been blinded by the sun and had returned my mind had gradually become dull and lost its sharpness staring at the cave wall and its dancing shadows.

It was nice to look into this mans eyes and remember all the territories in my own soul that had been explored but not been visited for quite some time. Together our presence showed no mercy for our small little struggling personalities and only the heartfelt souls presence could be felt. Wonderful.

Later the same night I open up my email to find the treasure from my time in the north.
It was nice to connect with so many souls that I hold dear during my Nordic adventures.
One weekend in the countryside of Sweden together with a beloved brother the music of our souls awakened, and it was that material that greeted me in my email box.

I open the files and listened to the winds, our voices and the sound of guitar and drums.
A blissful journey that I wish to continue. It brought me so much happiness to my heart.

A times there is a challenge to totally to surrender and feel our hearts, since it many times plays in a whole different division than our fearful minds.
The mind haunts us as long as its not in service of our hearts.

During a journey many years ago my mind was shattered to pieces. 
I have been trying to recover ever sense. Something shifted inside of me then. Something hard to explain. For those of you that have seen the movie the matrix, it felt to me like I took a red pill...and from that moment there was no turning back.

My mind was no longer the dictator to measure my experiences. There was another deeper more subtle part of me that also had a voice. I realized that this new whispering part of me would bring much more joy and happiness and harmony to my being.
The catch was only, I had to listen, and even though I had seen through the totality regime of my mind it had been doing its commercials for many years...and it was afraid of this power shift and what that would mean for its own existence. It knew just like I, that it had been discovered, exposed, and that its rule was now compromised. As long as I was not watching or being unaware,- it could do whatever it pleased. Strangely enough I discovered even though my mind was afraid of this new power dynamic that I choose to call my heart, it was somewhat relieved even though resistant.

It seem to me as it would do better as the role of a servant rather than a master even though it had become very identified wearing  a crown.

I have been integrating that experience ever since it happen, and I notice that the whispering voice of my heart gets louder when I get silent, listen and become still.
I am grateful that I was lucky to find this whispering voice. 
Maybe in our loud western culture its easy for it to get buried forever.

When do we truly find time for ourselves, and even if we do, how do we deal with all the haunting that comes from the shadows of our past and dysfunctional relations that have left us restless.

The culture are happy to hand out distractions to bring us further away from our center, and our home become everywhere else but within. Occupied by comparing ourselves seeking our reflections in others, our inner waters never get still enough so that we can get to know our own reflection. Few experiences give us the opportunity to witness that which goes on inside of ourselves. Time in nature or exploring meditation and sometimes even a personal crises is what gives us a break from the busyness of the world and its many distractions and provides moments of reflections.
In those rare moments where invading impressions from the world looses there hold on us there is room for contemplation.

At least that has been my experience. 

Thanks to my beloved Nordic Brother to have put our jam session together and sent it to me. 

Love to all who lay there eyes upon my blogging experience.

And I will leave you with this...

Maybe our minds does not have the solution, but our hearts do.

I have spoken.


torsdag 3 november 2011

On American Soil...

Back on American soil I realize my shorts are still in sweden somewhere. 
So if any of you swedish buddies find them let me know.  
To all of you that I managed to see in my very tight schedule-Thank u. To all of you that I did not managed to see, Iam sorry, but my trip was mostly about hanging out with my family.

The stories that lives in us shape us. They been handed down to us through generations. 
At times we feel we are caught in a cobweb of this stories, until we take a look at them, and see them in the light of awareness, so that we can liberate ourselves and find the freedom to tell our own story. The primary relations that brought us into this world, and the relations upon which they stand becomes the foundation for the relationships we create on our journey of self discovery. 
There comes a time of full embrace when we get enough self awareness to regain our free will. 
A time when we can tell our own story, not longer haunted by stories from the past, or seeking just like children to be acknowledged by our peers and ancestors. We grow up. 
We become our own storytellers.                 
We can take the best and the worst of that which was given and no longer live like an unconscious expression of others stories.
By healing the stories that was handed down to us inside of ourselves we are given an opportunity to evolve those stories and tell our own.                                                     
Its a liberating feeling to arrive to that place. To be initiated into ones life.
Some have more stuff to work out that others. But in the end its all a gift. 
A gift of self discovery and self knowledge. And the person with the most wounds to heal and tend to, might end up to be the most blessed. 
Interestingly wound can be traced back to an old galeic word meaning blessing. 
We can participate in our evolution, or not.
If we do life becomes an adventure of one discovery and growth-experince after another. 
We are aligned with evolution- the process of life.
If not, i think evolution will hit us right in the face and reflect all that we are not willing to look at through life's drama and circumstances. 
At times I grief that I did not make it to this destination earlier. Other times I am just so very grateful since I know I could have arrived at the end of my life as well, or maybe never.
If I could do something in my life that would bring me joy, it would be to be that role of a pathfinder. A guide that could provide some support as one is on ones road of self discovery. 
Maybe help to prevent some of life's many detours but then again they serve their purpose to so I don't know. We are all on our own journeys and maybe that's just the bottom line. 
There is no need for guidance, assistance or anything else or is it ?
I guess if we can hold space for each other, to realize certain things about our own nature, and to assist each other in getting a direct experience of what we are, and what we are not, that would be a good thing...
When I was young I remember looking for a rolemodel.
Someone to look up to that would teach me about life's mysteries and share stories around a campfire. Like a wise man or something. Someone to talk to about life and its different depths and challenges.    My father had left and where not available and my father that had taken his place where very loving but not my fantasy idea of a obi one kenobi. A gandalf, a sage.
I came to realize that the only way to find this man, was to try to find him within myself.
Cause he where no to be found, that man of magic who would initiate me into the mysteries of life. 
I remember that longing so well. Like if it was yesterday. 
If i could do something in my life I would love to meet that longing for someone else as and elder. Someone just like me wondering if there would be someone out there who actually could provide some valuable wisdom and life-skills for life's challenges and many times confusing situations.
Gosh just to be part of a beautiful mentoring program that would assist people just like myself thirsting for self-discovery and guidance.
There probably is a bunch of those programs, especially here in the states i have discovered. 
But i don't know about Sweden, if they exist there.
If anybody knows about them, let me know...                                                                        

I use to make the mistake to think we as people are all the same. I use to think that my own curiosity about the essence of life and the big questions and its depths was shared by us all. 
I came to realize that the stuff I am fascinated by most people don't give a damm about. 
And to some its just some luxury entertainment.
I can see that perspective, but nothing make me more happy than to attend a TED conference or the conscious life expo in los angeles. Its amazing and its fun.
I remember when I a s a young man went into the theosophical society on karlaplan and I was the only young guy around with all these white bearded old guys. 
I loved it as others in my age where out drinking looking to score.
I guess there is an old man that lives inside me.
Its tough to care about things that others don't give a shit about. Let me tell you. =)
Its like a part of you don't exist, because it has no space to breath and be.
My father told me taking my letters into consideration. Hey Fredrik, i cant write what you write in a lifetime so how about just sending me something more basic. 
I guess my basic has always been different but iam learning as I evolve.
Many times I forget that what is basic for me might not be basic for another.

In fact it might just be annoying which also should be taken into my consideration as i open my mouth.
I was told once by a wild man on a beach who was dealing with something called the human design system. Looking at your birth numbers and profile he told me ; Fredrik. You should shut up. All the time.
and if u must speak, say, may i speak, see if u are allowed than speak, or better than that wait to be invited to speak. But I replied, than I would never speak if I would wait for  people to invite me to speak. Then he said. In that case you will never speak!
I look puzzled by this man statement but something did hit home in my core.
He also said, your visions and inspirations are not for you to realize. 
It will only give you a headache. Let others realize them and get inspired by them. 
I felt relived and yet funny about this man´s statements.
I also thought. How will I go about taking on this challenge raised by a mother who talks all the time ? Maybe its something I learned to do i asked myself...
Cause I am more silent inside than many people I meet that don't say much.
Life is a paradox.
And with that sentence, I have run out of words for this time.
Until we meet again. Hurry slowly...
Be well.